Daniell Koepke (via internal-acceptance-movement)
The part of this I love most is the last bit, which suggests that a person who owns up to their behavior, apologizes, and makes an effort to change and make amends deserves at least a chance to become part of your life again, provided you care enough about them. I could not agree with that more.
The resistance to bestowing forgiveness can be informed by myriad impulses, both healthy and not. The less healthy impulses manifest in a variety of ways, including self-martyrdom, one sided and self-righteous “call outs,” and wildly unrealistic expectations placed upon individual behavior (we often want a given person to “change” without addressing or understanding the greater cancerous aspects which helped form them). But I wholeheartedly believe that forgiveness liberates you, provided the actions you’re forgiving are genuinely regretted and the behavior which has offended you, or worse, is sincerely, demonstrably addressed. I realize many don’t agree with me on this, and that’s their prerogative. But I’ve found it to be a mutually rewarding, even uplifting experience to forgive people who are genuinely sorry and are truly working on themselves.
I’ve tried to do that to a few people I’ve wronged in my life, to seek forgiveness for wrongs and pain I’ve inflicted, to illustrate that I’m making the complicated, arduous effort to …perhaps not “change,” but grow. In so doing I fail as often as I succeed. Some have accepted my apologies, if not my renewed presence, while others have not - which is their right, of course. But I have to tell you, it’s heartbreaking to never be given the chance And it doesn’t “teach you a lesson,” it merely frustrates, because it feels as if, in exiling you from their lives, the person doing the exiling is being imperious and not at all owning their own shit, accepting their own role in whatever dramas may have caused a fall out in the first place. It’s at times difficult to remember that they’re coming from a place of hurt and deep mistrust, and you have to respect that and work on yourself regardless.